The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site

9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.

8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven.

7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.

6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron.

5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.

4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition."

3. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.

2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles.

and the Number 1 Sign Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site...

1. The IOC suddenly decides to change the official cycling uniforms to white shirts and ties.