Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured?
A: One is far more painful to your ears.

Q: What's the name of a good English horn player?
A: I'll tell you when I meet one.

Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he gyrates so much, he'll fall off the ladder.

Q: Why is wetting your pants like playing an English Horn?
A: Both give you a warm feeling but no one notices.